A message to members from the admin

[sisyphus]

Hello everyone, I am Mike and some of you may not even know that I am the site admin here at PSF. I have not been very active here for several months. I felt I owed you all an explanation.

Around May or June I knew that divorce was in my future. It's something that should have happened long ago. It's just that it's so unthinkable, I mean you make this commitment for life and if you meant it then you just push those feelings down when they begin, and before you know it years have gone by, things have gotten worse and not better, you're miserable, and the marriage can't be saved. In addition, you want to stay for the kids, mistakenly thinking it will be easier on them to live in a house with a broken marital relationship, when all you do is give them a bad example of what a loving relationship looks like. Throw in all the divorce horror stories you've ever heard, and you're convinced that a divorce will ruin you financially. So you stay even after you know it's over. You stay a long time and become more and more unhappy, and a big, natural and healthy piece of your life is absent because you aren't in love with the person you share a home with.

On September 10 I told my wife I wanted a divorce. We were divorced on December 10, and she moved out of my house on December 15. We spent the entire time of the divorce under the same roof, and it was brutal. However because we did spend that time under the same roof, we had a chance to say it all and work through this together. We both came out good financially and we're both set to live well separately. As a man, I did about as well as you could possibly hope. We did an uncontested divorce without attorneys and the court found our agreements fair and equitable. So it's a relief it's over, and it's a relief that I don't have to worry for her or wonder how I'll make ends meet. Most importantly, she's the best friend I ever had, and because of all we went through together we will remain family and friends for the rest of our lives.

Let me just say, and any of you who have done this already know, that divorce is worse than a death in the family. It's a very hard thing to experience.

So the hard part is over. Christmas is almost here, and then the youngest son and I are headed to Canada for a much needed vacation. Things are going to get better and better as time goes by.

I've had a lot on my plate this year, and that's why you haven't seen me, or maybe don't even know who I am. I will be around more after the first of the year, and let me just say that I have kept one eye on this place and it really makes me happy to see the community that is developing here. Very cool and thank you all for being part of it.

[Mr Beardsley]

Glad that everything worked out favorably for the ex and yourself (and the kids). Sounds like it went as well as a divorce can possibly go.

This forum has shaped up to be a great little corner of the web and for that I'm thankful to you and the rest of the admin. There are other options as far as smoking forums go but this is the one that feels like home

[Ronv69]

Divorce sucks. Mine was angry and final but we didn't have any kids so there's that. I am glad that you will be able to be there for the kids. I have seen many children damaged by sniping exes. I had to keep reminding myself how bad the marriage was. I have 42 happy years with my "new" wife. There is life after divorce.
Best wishes
Ron

[Cobman]

As they say, time heals all wounds. Good luck to you in the future.

[Ray Mackessy]

Good luck with moving on to the next phase in your life. You will be in my prayers.

[ncrobb]

Wow, like others have said I’m sorry to hear that it went the way of divorce but it sounds like it ended the best it could. Good luck moving forward. The forum is growing and seems to developing into a great place.

[Tsal]

I'm sorry to here the news, Mike, but I'm happy that your taking the right step to find happiness. The weight has been lifted and you can finally breathe some fresh air.

[Middle Earth]

Thank you for all that you have done in setting up this forum. Glad you are in a better place.
I really like this forum.

[Houtenziel]

I am truly sorry to hear you've been going through hard times. Admittedly, I am one who doesn't know you well, but have enjoyed your posts when they do come. I can tell by your words above that you are of sound mind and good character - And after all, you did cultivate this cool community of folks! I truly wish you the best in wherever life takes you next, and look forward to having you around more. Also, thanks so much for this forum - I know that being a forum admin can carry it's own pains, and I commend your good work.

[Longshanks]

Been there, done that... twice. I'm pretty intelligent as far as book smarts go, but relationships are not my forte. I've got this nasty habit of sabotaging myself by walking into a relationship I already know won't work... may be as a life challenge to see what I can do with it. I wish I'd have opted to challenge myself more positively, like Jeremiah Johnson did, or by going on "Alone" as a contestant... something to that effect. Alas, hind sight is 20/20.

Sorry to hear about your divorce. The worst part of divorce is that it effects more than yourself, it effects everyone around you. I pray the wounds will heal quickly and everyone moves on to the next and hopefully happier chapter. Life is too darn short for suffering.