" Creative " writing class

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Ruffinogold
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Mon Jul 29, 2019 8:13 pm

Whalehead King wrote:
Mon Jul 29, 2019 7:53 pm
Muriel Hauptmann walked into the hospital room. The room fell silent. A strong woman who is a good friend deserves respect. It's obvious, even to people who haven't yet met her. Muriel Hauptmann walked into the room and shook her hair free. It looked like a red comet's tail.

"Mr. Pipster sent me," she said.

You could hear a pin drop.

Whalehead King scootched up in his bed as best as he was able and offered a hand salute. Kevin Keith straightened his bolo tie and stepped up to offer his hand in solidarity. Ruffino Gold wiped the pork roll juice off his lips before he kneeled in front of her to kiss Muriel Hauptmann's hand. Bruyere Royale shuffled his feet, looked down those very same feet, and he said in Italian, because for some reason he and Ruff speak Italian in this story, "Mi dispiaci, signora."

The whole room smelled like freshly cut flowers. Muriel Hauptmann was here!

Kevin Keith got all misty-eyed. "That Mr. Pipster," he said while wiping a tear off his cheek,. "God bless Pip." Everyone realized that the pieces of some kind of cosmic pipe smoking puzzle were falling into place. There was no real reason but, for whatever reason, everyone got all choked up. Destiny was calling and when Destiny calls, you gotta answer.
Omg , that's awesome
" Ya don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows " 13th apostle
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arturo7
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Tue Jul 30, 2019 1:31 am

The statuesque redhead smiled gently. "Mr. Whalehead," she cooed, "I can cure you with the wave of my hand. But there will be a price." To which the New Orleans gentlemen replied, "Oh Muriel, to receive your cure and blessing, no price is to high."

"Very well." she said.

She snapped here fingers. There was flash of light.

"Hey, I'm cured! I feel GREAT!!" Shouted the Whalehead King.

She snapped her fingers again. "The world needs more meerschaum!"

There was another, brighter flash of light then the room filled with a thick smoke.

"Enjoy yourselves tonite!" said Muriel. "The work starts tomorrow at six o'clock sharp."

She snapped her fingers once more. As the smoke cleared, they all began to hear arabesque music played on tambors and ouds. The whole room, the gentlemen, the doctors and nurses, the Whalehead King in his bed, and all of the machine beeping and blinking, had been transported to an old tavern in Eskisehir, Turkey.

"What just happened? Where are we?" asked Father Tom.

"I think we're in an old tavern in Eskisehir, Turkey." replied Kevin.

"How do you know that? asked Ruffino.

B Royale chimed in, "He just read it on PSF."

Muriel smiled as she performed a belly dance for the WK. "Work starts at six!" She laughed then disappeared in another flash of light.

Arturo7 sat at a nearby table with a dazed look on his face. "What the heck? What am I doing here? Why are you guys here?"

"Were you reading the creative writing thread?" asked The WK.

"Yes" answered Arturo.

"That explains it," said the WK. "Muriel has cured my malady but in return it looks like we'll be digging for Meerschaum tomorrow! Pass the Raki!"
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Wed Jul 31, 2019 12:14 pm

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Whalehead King
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Wed Jul 31, 2019 4:17 pm

Digging in a meerschaum mine isn't like working in a coal mine but it isn't a walk in the park, either. It is hot in Turkey this time of year, even very early in the morning. A person gets out of bed and stumbles, hungover, to the meerschaum mine. Even an experienced meerschaum miner sweats as soon as he or she gets out of bed, never mind this crew. It is cool in the mine though. That's the thing. It's hard work mining meerschaum but at least it's cool down there under the ground. Mining meerschaum isn't exactly pleasant but it isn't unbearable, especially when it's done in good company.

The tools used are rudimentary. This is backbreaking, tedious work, tapping the meerschaum veins buried under layers of Turkey's ancient red soil. Our heroes are prime physical condition, each one a perfect specimen:

Arturo7 looks like a Greek demi-god with sweat glistening on his well muscled limbs.

Fr. Tom is sinewy, without an ounce of extra fat on him; he isn't as bronzed as the other members of the team, having spent most of his recent years cloistered. He is wiry and limber, though, fit as a whippet.

Kevin Keith is a roustabout. He hoists his pick and takes to digging like he's getting ready to hoist a circus tent pole. He laughs at the toil, a lusty throaty laugh that echoes through the mineshafts. His enthusiasm is contagious.

Ruffino Gold, the cockiest of the lot, studies the situation and begins to work methodically, then he forgets his original plan and just says, "To hell with it," and he starts tackling the chore like a madman. He really does say, "To hell with it," out loud. Really loud. That's how the other members of the team know to give him a wide berth.

Bruyere Royale looks like the man other men want to look like. He is chiseled and upright, straightbacked, square jawed and steely eyed. He must have been doing yoga recently because he can maneuver into tight niches in the mine where the best meerschaum is found.

Whalehead King looks naked without a fedora. He doesn't let that stop him though. He knows no shame. He digs in with the rest and he digs with gusto. A quintessential team player, when Ruffino Gold knocks WK down in Ruff's frenzy to find more meerschaum, WK dusts himself off and digs in right next to Ruff's crazy digging, using his bare hands.

And then, there is Muriel Hauptmann. She's down there, too, one of the gang. She goes up and down the line, providing liquid refreshment to the men as they toil away in the meerschaum mine. Is it noon? Is it 1:00? 7:00? After midnight? It is impossible to measure time in the dark of the mine. Muriel Hauptmann has an ice-filled bucket full of cans. Whatever drink the guys ask for, Muriel Hauptmann pulls a can out of the bucket. It's a small bucket but she gives each man exactly what he asks for, even Cel-Ray.

At one point Bruyere Royale pries loose an exceptionally large chunk of meerschaum. What a beautiful block of meerschaum. It has no defects whatsoever. In fact, even in its natural shape, pulled right from the ground, everyone can tell this piece of meerschaum is perfectly suited, it is meant, to be carved into a pipe shaped like a naked lady straddling a dragon's head with a skull in its mouth and with a claw reaching up to grab at the lady's left breast. The miners gathered around to admire it. Muriel Hauptmann says, "That's gonna be one classy pipe when the carver is done with it."

Kevin Keith says, "You know what we should call ourselves? We're the Magnificent Seven!"

They all join hands in a circle, pep rally style. "Pip, pip, hooray! Pip, pip, hooray!" they cheer over and over again. Then they get back to work.
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Whalehead King
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Thu Aug 01, 2019 6:14 pm

When their shift was over, all the Magnificent Seven headed back to their barracks. They stopped for a plate of gruel but that was the only entertainment they were offered between mine time and bed time. They weren't even offered a bath. The gruel wasn't tasty, either.

Settled into their bunks, tired to their bones, everyone was ready to sleep. Arturo7 said, "Psssssst. I've still got a tin English blend and they didn't find the pipe I keep in my sock. Anyone wanna share it?"

A shared pipe is better than no pipe at all, especially when it is shared with a group of true blue comrades.
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arturo7
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Thu Aug 01, 2019 7:27 pm

As they passed the pipe, Arturo began speaking, "Sorry about keeping that tobacco in my sock. It doesn't affect the flavor much but oh, that room note!"

"So I checked with the mine foreman today." he continued, "Apparently, we can leave any time we want. After all, we're not in a Turkish prison. The problem is where do we go, and how do we get there? And what do we do for money?"

"Maybe we can try carving for a while? Just to get bus fare outta here?"
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Fri Aug 02, 2019 5:22 pm

Bruyere Royale had an idea. "I think it will work," he said.

"Ruff, you can stand the smell of anything. Take the sock that Arturo7 isn't using as his cellar and we'll all head down to the motor pool, where they load up the trucks with the meerschaum we've been mining. When we see a big truck about to leave, we'll sneak up to the cab. Ruff, you take that sock and put it over his mouth and nose. That'll knock him out. Then, Kevin Keith can drag him out of the cab, then, WK will kill him, then, Fr. Tom will give him the last rites. Then, when we're done, Arturo 7 can go back to wearing two socks again."

"Then what?!?" they all asked Bruyere Royale.

"Then," he said as he hitched his thumbs under the waistband of his pants, "Then, I'll drive that big rig from here to eternity and back on a quest that none of us knows anything about yet."

"Pip-pip-hooray! Pip-pip-hooray!" they all cheered.

There was a knock at the door. Kevin Keith answered it. He came back with an envelope. It was a telegram. When he opened it, he read it aloud. "What about Muriel Hauptmann?" the telegram said.

The Magnificent Six put their heads together. Missing one member, there can be no Magnificent Seven.
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Fri Aug 02, 2019 9:07 pm

Our protagonists pondered the question of what to do about their fairest friend late into the night. Finding no easy answer and exhausted from the days labor, they retired to bed one by one.

Just after sunrise the next morning Muriel Hauptman burst into the bunkhouse quivering with excitement. Guys! guys! Get up and make yourself presentable! Quick! The owner of the meerscham fields is here and wants to talk to us. Hurry! There is a big breakfast set up for you with al the trimmings. They even have strong brewed Bustelo.

The boys were planning on sleeping another hour but couldn't resist a real breakfast, besides they wondered what was up with the owner of the mines being on site and what he had in mind.

Just as they stepped outside they saw Muriel at the gate of the manor beckoning for the six to come inside. Once inside they couldn't believe the opulence and granduer within. "This is what meerschaum bought" said whalehead. "No wonder they forbid us from the manor" said Ruffino. "There is enough friggin' gold in here that we could all live like kings forever.

Muriel led the boys to the main ballroom where the breakfast table spread in all directions and was filled with all of the delicacies of the near east. The air smelled of baklava and Kentucky burley. At the far end of the room was a large plush chair facing away from them with a figure smoking a cob full of Prince Albert and grumbling about the neighbors.damn kids in the yard.
Muriel rushed to the man and whispered something in his ear. In a short and gruff voice the man asked the six to sit and eat. Not knowing what to expect, they did as requested.

Muriel stood up and somewhat nervously said "Daddy has brought you six fine gentlemen here this morning to ask a favor." Just then the mysterious figure knocked out his pipe on his boot, stood and turned to face the group.

When the six saw the man they immediately recognized him and each man felt his heart hit the floor. "Holy hucklebuck, I thought he was dead" Fr_Tom said. "I read him his rites 25 years ago." The rest of the group sat stunned.

The man spoke" Gentlemen, I have recently acquired a briar field in Italy. I need a trustworthy group of individuals to run it and my pipe production assets in Denmark. Are you in?"

C-C-C-Crusty Cob? Is that you? Asked Kevin Keith.

The man replied " In the flesh boys. You in or out?"
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arturo7
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Wed Aug 14, 2019 6:58 pm

When last we saw our heroes, they were presented with the prospect of leaving the Meerschaum mine in Turkey and traveling to Denmark where they would manage a pipe factory.

"Denmark?" Arturo asked with a hint of indignation.

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but it gets kinda cold there doesn't it? Us California types don't do so well when the temps drop below 62F"
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Whalehead King
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Wed Aug 21, 2019 5:19 pm

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