Bad Pipe Poetry

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Wooda
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Posts: 295
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:45 am
Location: Burlington, VT

Sun Nov 25, 2018 11:30 am

Smok pip shuttin deer
Smok pip kuttin wud
Smok pip er n der
Smok pip erra war

Smukin baka widda pip
De kojer scup in flikn bic
Smukin baka en dewin dip.
Da snuf in nos mek snez
So be penchhn n de lep.
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Underwater Basketweaver.
Baskets of basket pipes.
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Longshanks
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Posts: 207
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2018 8:13 am
Location: Kentucky

Mon Nov 26, 2018 2:10 pm

Down by the briar wood tree;
She showed her bowl to me;
It was smooth and black;
It didn't show crack;
So I loaded some sweet cavendish.
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Longshanks
"He who shall, so shall he... wait, who?" :?
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Whalehead King
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Posts: 803
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 6:20 am

Wed Nov 28, 2018 4:10 pm

Longshanks wrote:
Mon Nov 26, 2018 2:10 pm
Down by the briar wood tree;
She showed her bowl to me;
It was smooth and black;
It didn't show crack;
So I loaded some sweet cavendish.
I know just the coffee shop where this poem should be read:

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I run a small hotel in New Orleans. It's in Louisiana, in case you're thinking of another New Orleans I've never heard of.
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arturo7
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Posts: 157
Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2018 10:37 pm
Location: way out west

Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:15 pm

I was enjoying my pipe in a crowd
Huffing and puffing and making a cloud
A man said, “You’re rude!”
I replied, “Get over it dude!”
Then I realized I wasn’t wearing pants.
What a crazy dream…
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ever forward
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MikeDennison
Member in Good Standing
Posts: 932
Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:18 pm

Sat Dec 08, 2018 2:49 pm

arturo7 wrote:
Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:15 pm
I was enjoying my pipe in a crowd
Huffing and puffing and making a cloud
A man said, “You’re rude!”
I replied, “Get over it dude!”
Then I realized I wasn’t wearing pants.
What a crazy dream…
:lol: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :lol:
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Preacher1611
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Posts: 326
Joined: Tue May 08, 2018 11:32 am
Location: Van Schaick Island, NY

Mon Dec 10, 2018 12:09 pm

Poetry is cool.
Pipes are also cool.
There is nothing better than....







Smoking a good pipe.

Y'all thought I was gonna say refrigerator, din't ya?
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houtenziel
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Posts: 843
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:58 pm
Location: Oregon

Mon Dec 24, 2018 3:20 pm

Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a Mouse,

Houtenziel awoke,
From his restless slumber,
And rolled out of bed,
Like a fresh slab of lumber,
He stumbled over to his pipes,
And one he Selected,
He found some tobacco,
To his pipe he directed,

A match he did light,
and was put to the leaf,
And with many a puff,
He did not find relief,
When a crash and a bash from the Chimney he heard,
A swirling campfire smoke,
the fire's ashes were stirred,
And there in the room,
A large man did appear,
And Houtenziel's heart,
Was filled with great fear,

The big jolly man said,
"Chill out brother Ziel,
For by now you have discovered,
Jolly old Santa is real."

With a twinkle in his eye,
He queried his host,
"What thing does brother Houtenziel want most?
Is it women, or whiskey, or really fast cars?
Motorcyles, or wealth, or your own Irish bar?"

With great seriousness,
H-Man did consider,
Puffing his pipe,
with his face looking bitter,

He looked up at Santa,
With his eyes oh so bright,
"Santa, I need tobacco that won't bite,
No bitterness, or gurgle, or drying required,
And the fullest of flavor is what I desire,"

With a great long laugh,
"HO HO HO!"
Into the great bag,
For a gift he did go,

And when he turned round,
A pipe had he lit,
And the sweetest of smoke curled,
From the Vulcanite bit.

"Little Ziel I present you With the finest of things,
But tobacco it's not,
For it's not why your tongue stings."

And over to H,
Santa did smile and hand,
A shiny new pipe kit,
the best of all in the land,
And adorned on the bit,
A spade did it show,
And Santa did wink,
"H, you're now in the know."

Santa and H, did sit together and puff,
Merry Christmas you rubes,
For that much rhyming's enough.
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arturo7
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Posts: 157
Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2018 10:37 pm
Location: way out west

Mon Dec 24, 2018 3:36 pm

Nicely done, Mr H!
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ever forward
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MikeDennison
Member in Good Standing
Posts: 932
Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:18 pm

Mon Dec 24, 2018 7:57 pm

houtenziel wrote:
Mon Dec 24, 2018 3:20 pm
Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a Mouse,

Houtenziel awoke,
From his restless slumber,
And rolled out of bed,
Like a fresh slab of lumber,
He stumbled over to his pipes,
And one he Selected,
He found some tobacco,
To his pipe he directed,

A match he did light,
and was put to the leaf,
And with many a puff,
He did not find relief,
When a crash and a bash from the Chimney he heard,
A swirling campfire smoke,
the fire's ashes were stirred,
And there in the room,
A large man did appear,
And Houtenziel's heart,
Was filled with great fear,

The big jolly man said,
"Chill out brother Ziel,
For by now you have discovered,
Jolly old Santa is real."

With a twinkle in his eye,
He queried his host,
"What thing does brother Houtenziel want most?
Is it women, or whiskey, or really fast cars?
Motorcyles, or wealth, or your own Irish bar?"

With great seriousness,
H-Man did consider,
Puffing his pipe,
with his face looking bitter,

He looked up at Santa,
With his eyes oh so bright,
"Santa, I need tobacco that won't bite,
No bitterness, or gurgle, or drying required,
And the fullest of flavor is what I desire,"

With a great long laugh,
"HO HO HO!"
Into the great bag,
For a gift he did go,

And when he turned round,
A pipe had he lit,
And the sweetest of smoke curled,
From the Vulcanite bit.

"Little Ziel I present you With the finest of things,
But tobacco it's not,
For it's not why your tongue stings."

And over to H,
Santa did smile and hand,
A shiny new pipe kit,
the best of all in the land,
And adorned on the bit,
A spade did it show,
And Santa did wink,
"H, you're now in the know."

Santa and H, did sit together and puff,
Merry Christmas you rubes,
For that much rhyming's enough.
Respect. :thumbs:
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arturo7
Active Member
Posts: 157
Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2018 10:37 pm
Location: way out west

Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:29 pm

This one was written around 1692:

I sat with a pipe on my porch
My neighbor walked by with a torch
I asked him his plan
He said, “C’mon man,
Let’s go give some witches a scorch!”
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