Muriel Hauptmann

[Whalehead King]

The original won't land you in jail.

You don't know Muriel Hauptmann the way I know Muriel Hauptmann.

No regrets.

[Chef Benny]

While on the hunt for Vintage Tobacciana, I stumbled across this old cigar tin. [mention]Whalehead King[/mention] could you educate us once again... How this cigar empire fortune ties into the Hauptman sisters ... Especially Murial becoming what she is today.. "Truely Unaffordable!"

[mrpipster]

There are a select few here who know her intimitaly. But, [mention]Whalehead King[/mention] is the best man here to explain.

[Whalehead King]

While on the hunt for Vintage Tobacciana, I stumbled across this old cigar tin. [mention]Whalehead King[/mention] could you educate us once again... How this cigar empire fortune ties into the Hauptman sisters ... Especially Murial becoming what she is today.. "Truely Unaffordable!"

As Mel Brooks would say, "Oh, what a story!" Gather round, folks. This is some PSF lore.

Back on the former PSF, the WMMCAST thread started as a few of us were starting to investigate American machine made cigars. The ones we were interested in were all tobacco cigars, not necessarily gas station cigars. We were interested in searching out machine made brands that had been around forever that didn't use homogenized tobacco leaf (HTL) binders or wrappers. American classics.

These cigars, like Hauptmann's, Toppers, F.D. Graves, Rigolettos, more than I can remember right now, are an old American tradition going back to the 1950s when cigar rolling machines were first perfected (and since improved). Before then, most cigars were hand rolled. Machine mades existed before the 1950s, especially those made by the famous Leiberman machine, but machine made really hit the market in force as an industrially reliable product in the fifties with advertising and competition on taste, quality, and price point. Today, cigars made with a Leiberman machine are considered handmade, which is fair as far as it goes. Even a machine made cigar utilizes the human hand to cut the binders and wrappers while the machine does the rolling.

When the thread started, CVS has just announced it wouldn't sell tobacco products anymore so they had a months-long fire sale on their drug store cigars. A lot of cheapskate cigar smokers snatched them up by the bundle and by the box at rock bottom liquidation prices. It was a golden age for those few months until inventory ran out.

Over the course of that golden age, the gang of us bought all the machine made drug store cigars we could get our hands on, at CVS or anywhere. Some started at CVS and realized what a treat these cigars and and started to look around for other brands. Others already loved these tasty and reliable treats and took advantage of CVS emptying its shelves.

The original WMMMCAST was made of the Gang of Five or So. The number of the gang always shifted membership and was usually more than five, or so, but they did a lot of research into each brand, smoked them, and reported on each brand's qualities. That thread was an archive of history and research in an oft-neglected facet of tobacianna, one that is still neglected to this day. You're not going to find a Swisher Sweets or Phillies blunt aficionado forum, though they are workable cigars, too. The machine made cigar archives ran to 600-1000 pages. There was a lot of information in there. Some of it was the usual joshing around but some posts were more like pages from archeological textbooks of machine made cigar historical discoveries.

Alas, since then, most of the American machine made cigar companies have gone out of business, within living memory. No more Black Pete Ibolds, no more Judges Caves in their distinctive boxes. The industry folded less than ten years ago. Few have noticed.

Anyhow, during all the cutting up and enthusiasm that went along with rediscovering something old and good while it was a dying industry (except for Parodis, which are impossible cigars to kill as long as you don't drop one), one of us, I don't remember who, cam up with the name Muriel Hauptmann as the personification of the perfect cigar. You remember the old Muriel cigar tagline: "Why don't you pick one up and smoke it some time."



Why Hauptmann? Because Hauptmann's cigars are also reliably good-smoking machine made cigars. I don't there was any other reason than that. The names fit, like Salt and Pepa.

Hauptmann cigars are still around according to the internet, though I haven't seen one in the wild for I don't know how long. According to their website, they're in Mandeville, Louisiana, across Lake Pontchartrain from where I live today. That may merit an investigation....

Some wag within the Gang of Five or So produced and photo of Muriel Hauptmann after our muse's name was established. Again, I don't exactly remember who it was but I have my suspicions. I'm not gonna say because I don't want to give where it isn't due. It was the member of the Gang who was most adept at finding the perfect meme for the moment. He knows who he is and that should be satisfaction enough. If he wants to confirm my suspicions and out himself, that is up to him.

Muriel Hauptmann personifies all that is good about machine made cigars.

When you love a good machine made cigar you do watcha wanna. You don't care what people think. You shake your thang like nobody's watching. That's how life should be when you know that you're right.Once upon a time, back in the day, still on the old PSF, the Mayor ([mention]Ruffinogold[/mention] messaged me to ask me my mailing address. He couldn't tell me why he needed it. I gave it to him. A few weeks later I got a package in the mail from [mention]mrpipster[/mention] with five ziplock bags. Each bag contained one Muriel Cigar and one Hauptmann Cigar, and a note that said: "Oh, baby, baby, Muriel Hauptmann loves you." I wasn't the only one who got a package like this. That's how the other members of the Gang of Five or So know that Muriel Hauptmann has a special connection with the Pipster. She's always sweet on him. I smoked four of those pairs but I saved the last one for a special occasion. I think I mailed it to [mention]Kevin Keith[/mention] it may have been recently or may have been a while ago, or I may have mailed it to someone else. It's all water under the bridge.

As for the junior miss Muriel Hauptmann, she is a recent addition to the pantheon. We don't know much about her yet. She hasn't been around long enough for anyone to get to know her. I prefer the tried and true muse who has kept me going all these years. No, I can't afford Muriel Hauptmann, Sr, but I can sure dream of her. She was won a place in my heart and in the hearts of machine made cigar lovers everywhere.

And that's the rest of the story.

[Whalehead King]

There are a select few here who know her intimitaly. But, [mention]Whalehead King[/mention] is the best man here to explain.

Your secret is safe with me, Pip.

[mrpipster]

There are a select few here who know her intimitaly. But, [mention]Whalehead King[/mention] is the best man here to explain.

Your secret is safe with me, Pip.

I remember the story a bit differently than [mention]Whalehead King[/mention] dose. But, isnt that the nature of how these sort of tales work?

[Whalehead King]

There are a select few here who know her intimitaly. But, [mention]Whalehead King[/mention] is the best man here to explain.

Your secret is safe with me, Pip.

I remember the story a bit differently than [mention]Whalehead King[/mention] dose. But, isnt that the nature of how these sort of tales work?

I can only give my perspective and share my admittedly incomplete memories---that was a long time ago. Please share. Muriel Hauptmannn deserves a complete record. This is the sort of tale that deserves to be shared. Muriel wouldn't want it any other way.

[mrpipster]

Oh boy.
I am making burgers for the grand kids right now. I will do my best tomorrow to tell folks about my personal connection with our patroness.

[Chef Benny]

This is getting good! .. I am learning so much!

[Kevin Keith]

This is getting good! .. I am learning so much!

Stick with us kid... : )