Port, sir?

[Kevin Keith]

Port? No...

[Citizen B]

I enjoy port but I haven't had any in a very long time. No particular reason why not except that I haven't had a particular reason to.

[Puff nstuff]

Where are your Port Tongs?

Ahh, were that I was in a position to need port tongs! Unfortunately I can only afford to drink the non-vintage or LBV stuff.

Maybe one day...

You can open any bottle with hot tongs it doesn't have to be vintage. You'll impress the missus, don't forget to light a candle.

Yeah. Except:
1. Port bottles typically come with a functional cork stopper, to both open and re-close the bottle easily; I rarely have occasion to drink an entire bottle of port at one sitting, so this is helpful. For regular wine, I find a corkscrew works very well, and I own many of differing designs.
2. It's recommended to strain (and decant) a wine after busting the top of the bottle off. No thanks, generally.
3. While this parlor trick might amuse my wife once, I doubt the practice would engender any lasting sense of appreciation. She'll probably say 'just open the damned bottle already and pour me a glass of wine!' Or open it herself while I'm busy stoking the fire.
4. I can think of many better ways to impress Mrs. Puff.

[Citizen B]

When you go to the package store, you want to get the dustiest bottle that they have in the store. That's the good one. It's been aging undisturbed. It tastes better than the new bottles.

An old Portuguese woman taught me this trick. It works. Try a Pepsi challenge if you don't believe me. You'll see the wisdom of this advice.

Thinking about it, its the same way with aged tobaccos. The only difference is that a bottle of port doesn't dry out.

[Tsal]

Ahh, were that I was in a position to need port tongs! Unfortunately I can only afford to drink the non-vintage or LBV stuff.

Maybe one day...

You can open any bottle with hot tongs it doesn't have to be vintage. You'll impress the missus, don't forget to light a candle.

Yeah. Except:
1. Port bottles typically come with a functional cork stopper, to both open and re-close the bottle easily; I rarely have occasion to drink an entire bottle of port at one sitting, so this is helpful. For regular wine, I find a corkscrew works very well, and I own many of differing designs.
2. It's recommended to strain (and decant) a wine after busting the top of the bottle off. No thanks, generally.
3. While this parlor trick might amuse my wife once, I doubt the practice would engender any lasting sense of appreciation. She'll probably say 'just open the damned bottle already and pour me a glass of wine!' Or open it herself while I'm busy stoking the fire.
4. I can think of many better ways to impress Mrs. Puff.

Geez...

[Puff nstuff]

You can open any bottle with hot tongs it doesn't have to be vintage. You'll impress the missus, don't forget to light a candle.

Yeah. Except:
1. Port bottles typically come with a functional cork stopper, to both open and re-close the bottle easily; I rarely have occasion to drink an entire bottle of port at one sitting, so this is helpful. For regular wine, I find a corkscrew works very well, and I own many of differing designs.
2. It's recommended to strain (and decant) a wine after busting the top of the bottle off. No thanks, generally.
3. While this parlor trick might amuse my wife once, I doubt the practice would engender any lasting sense of appreciation. She'll probably say 'just open the damned bottle already and pour me a glass of wine!' Or open it herself while I'm busy stoking the fire.
4. I can think of many better ways to impress Mrs. Puff.

Geez...

I know. Sorry.

[Citizen B]

Yeah. Except:
1. Port bottles typically come with a functional cork stopper, to both open and re-close the bottle easily; I rarely have occasion to drink an entire bottle of port at one sitting, so this is helpful. For regular wine, I find a corkscrew works very well, and I own many of differing designs.
2. It's recommended to strain (and decant) a wine after busting the top of the bottle off. No thanks, generally.
3. While this parlor trick might amuse my wife once, I doubt the practice would engender any lasting sense of appreciation. She'll probably say 'just open the damned bottle already and pour me a glass of wine!' Or open it herself while I'm busy stoking the fire.
4. I can think of many better ways to impress Mrs. Puff.

Geez...

I know. Sorry.

You could have both started and finished with #4.

[Puff nstuff]

Geez...

I know. Sorry.

You could have both started and finished with #4.

This, coming from the guy who always takes every topic in 10 different directions...

[Tsal]

I know. Sorry.

You could have both started and finished with #4.

This, coming from the guy who always takes every topic in 10 different directions...

That's because he's a racket extra ordinare or something like that.

[Citizen B]

I know. Sorry.

You could have both started and finished with #4.

This, coming from the guy who always takes every topic in 10 different directions...

You're thinking of someone else. I don't know who it is but I do know that it isn't me. I see my job as trying to bring things back on topic when they get out of hand. An extensive review of the archives will justify this observation.

I know I may seem to be an instigator but that's just a role I play to hide my true agenda. It's hidden in plain sight.

The only reason I'm here today is to make sure this port thread doesn't go off the rails. Keep it clean, boys, keep it clean and on the up-and-up.

I don't want to bore you with my existential dilemmas but, I'll tell you, there are some days when I know how William Shatner feels when people try to imitate him.



Shatner is the only person I can think of able to pull off that lavender outfit he's wearing. Well, really, if I'm injected with truth serum, I have to admit that I can imagine @Bruyere_Royale wearing that outfit with aplomb. It pairs perfectly with a fez and a glass of tawny port. The most attractive thing you can wear is confidence. Actually, I can see a lot of people from PSF rocking that look now that I think of it.